Whisper & Shimmer I: "The Creature That I Call Myself (Extended Edition​)​"

by Julie Arsenault

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1.
Bad Words 04:52
With bad words I aim to deter you From getting too close to The lines in my face bitter, empty, and broken Better be joking I’m not I’m afraid And it’s not my place To criticize them but I have nothing else to say Hiding Too much under my skin And if I’m not guarded I surely will break Shaking So cold my bones jangle I just cannot handle This much on my plate No I’m not okay It’s much too late, but I can’t help but lie awake Claiming You’re lucky to have me If only my body, if only I had a brain Fumble, fervently fondle I slowly unravel And curl out of place And to your dismay You’ll find it’s not worth the weighty price you have to pay (worth the wait)
2.
She lifts up her dress and he just Lights up a cigarette My my, what a pretty mouth you have It’s a pretty dirty habit this I must admit It’s much easier to cope with something touching my lips And the warmth that it brings to my fingertips Makes it easier for me to Be alone like this Oh I’m right here, she say, with a heaving in her breast Oh I’m right here, she says, with a longing he could never detect It’s a strange way to live Either cooped up in your bed Or perched up on, upon the fence Between what’s real and what is just up in your head And the booze on your breath Now it only suggests You’re feeling blue again For no reason other than it’s what you do, She says, unwilling now to pretend that she’s in love Even though she knows she still is It’s a pretty messed up habit giving everything you have To just one man, one man you know, who can never give it back Oh I’m right here, she says, with a heaving in her breast Oh I’m right here, she says, with a longing he would never understand
3.
Easy Out 04:01
You’re sweet but insincere It’s been a week but it feels like years This is all that we have And it’s funny but sad You singing along in my ear Wake up fall down Start hanging around With the wrong crowd Won’t mama be proud? Your good days have gone bad your dear lady she’s gone mad But you can’t find an easy way out Oh sun, it’s fine, go home It’s late besides I like to be alone I believe what they say About the prices you pay Keeping secrets in your pockets burns a hole Get out of this town Forget him just drown, drown, drown You’re so light, you black out Your daddy had no doubts That your good days would turn bad You’d leave him and come right back You can’t find an easy way, you can’t find an easy way, You can’t find an easy way out
4.
In My Head 03:36
Quietly resent me As I quietly go mad Don’t act like you understand old man Why I make the same mistakes Over and over again Why the real always seems fake and why my Dreams are the only things that make sense Stormy weather in my head Even when my man is near Stormy weather in my head Though the forecast says it’s clear For no matter what you say, it’s the opposite I hear Oh it’s best we just keep quiet now my dear Quietly resent me I understand completely We’ve been through this song and dance before While quietly darling Billie’s songs they play on repeat And her voice it seeps deep down into my pores Stormy weather in my head Though my man, I love him so Stormy weather just pretend That I’m fine he’ll never know ‘Cause I am, and he gets it Don’t know why, just accept it Just be quiet, and let Billie sing the blues
5.
On the sun I rely nearly all of my might And the moon, like the wolf for a shoulder to cry And when it rains my eyes just roll and I walk around in socks until I’m pushed out the door by the hands of the clock These meager hours and this measly wage I don't know what’s worse, going to work or growing insane As it stands I could go either way So I’ll just hope that tomorrow makes more sense than today Now my hands they grow tired with each passing chord Yet they all sound the same even the strings look bored It’s a choice I have made to go down strumming But these half-ass attempts only amount to nothing Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun Won't you please shine down on me? Should I crawl out of bed before my hip bones bruise? Should I comb my hair, or cut it loose? Should I stumble to the store to stare at milk substitutes? Or simply smoke my last meal here on this stoop? Should the sun decide to shine well I guess I will too, Should he not, then I’ma hide until he do Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun Won’t you please shine down on, please shine down on me?
6.
I throw money at my problems I throw whiskey down my throat They say smoke ‘em if you got ‘em And if he burns you, let him go It’s an awkward conversation Oh but how else will we know? In this awful situation I can't help but feel alone Good morning, mourning after Good morning, mourning sigh Good morning, mourning sickness Good morning. Goodbye. Honestly I’d be surprised If we survived until the spring Darling I don’t wanna die Don’t wanna die, a diamond ring Good morning, mourning after Good morning, mourning sigh Good morning, mourning sickness Good morning. Goodbye. I throw money at my problems I throw whiskey down my throat They say smoke ‘em if you got ‘em And if he burns you, let him go
7.
My mother’s the epitome Of everything that I should be She gave me more than she could ever give My father gave me plenty too Neurosis, what else could he do? My brother, well my brother plays the blues Oh but where does that leave, Little old me? Oh me Oh my The creature that I call myself An opus played my ne’er do wells A monster no one else can seem to see Alive but trying to forget And dying for a cigarette In bed for days, and days, and years on end Oh but where does that get, Little old me? Oh me Oh my My memory is gone And I can’t see An inch or two in front of me So what’s the point in opening my eyes? My mother’s the epitome Of everything that I should be So what went wrong? Oh what? And when? And why? Tell me, what is to come of Little old me? Oh me Oh my
8.
My future looms In a fog perfume What will I be like in a year or two if I keep this up? Well I can’t even tell you, Why I do the things I do Eat some red meat You peaked bird You can’t feel your feet and your eyes are all a-blur Your case is weak and your excuse is just absurd Oh why you do the things you do I always chose the shortest straw Choir always singing “Que sera sera” Got nothing doing but embracing every flaw Oh god, the things I do
9.
Island Girl 03:38
My great grandfather was a seven foot Spaniard Stole the heart of a four foot nine island girl My mother she worked yes she slaved in the factories To make the ends meet, there she met a young city boy Then I was born as pale, and small as a wildwood flower Held me in their arms, sang “darling I’m on fire” I left a good man practically at the altar Determined I was destined to be with another Sometimes I’m afraid, who’s to say it won't happen again? Now I’m old, but have I grown? Well, heaven’s no Hold me in those arms and don’t you let me go Some say love it’s like a gun to your head Now I don’t disagree still I meant what I said My great grandfather was a seven foot Spaniard Stole the heart of a four foot nine island, island girl
10.
Let You Down 04:35
I don't want to let you down I don't want to let you down So you stay on your side of town And I’ll stay far away for now Eyes are glaring at the ground And I can barely make a sound It’s not that I don’t know how, I just can’t when you’re around Second guessing every word This whole thing feels so absurd I pretend I’m self-assured so we don't have any doubts I don’t want to let him down, I don’t want to let you down You’re the best I’ve ever found Words I’ll never say out loud So I just keep ‘em in my mouth ‘Cause I don’t want to let you down
11.
Fast asleep Barely seventeen On a former friend's Little sister's floral sheets Unaware Of what was happening Did he even care? No. I came to. Say it isn't true Lost it all in one fell swoop Trouble with men we all know where it stems We all try our best to move past the trouble we've been in I could try to make you understand I will live my life despite the trouble cause I can As the woman that I am Minus five forty minute drive I can't find the floor I just lay frozen there in time So ashamed Replay it in my mind Am I the one to blame? No. The trouble with men we all know where it stems We all try our best to move past the trouble we've been in I could try to make you understand I will live my life despite the trouble cause I can As the woman that I am The woman that I am
12.
Prochoice 03:50
If I had no choice I would make the necessary sacrifices I guess I would try my best If I had no choice I would take the temporary leave of absence I guess lay my dreams to rest if I had no choice but I do and I just want to be alone with you I want to be alone with you I want to be alone with you I want to be alone with you If I had my way I would be your only baby for eternity and we would never change If I had my way we would always feel the same I would do anything to avoid the pain 
If I had my way but for now I, I want to be alone with you I want to be alone with you I want to be alone with you I want to be alone If I had no choice I would scream until my body was my own again in my own defense and if I lost my voice, I would march up to the moon and back to earth again until they understand If I had no choice And if I had a boy 
 I would swaddle him in blankets I would drive to hockey practice I would try not to be selfish I would try not to be selfish, but I could never love him more than you I want to be alone with you I want to be alone with you I want to be alone with you I want to be alone
13.
5, 10, 15 04:04
10 years since I fled oppression disguised as a haven of love 5 years since I made the decision that I would be more than enough
 15 years unsure of my value as hard as I tried to believe 10 years searching for the answer 5 years digging deeper for truth 10 years since I’ve seen my own blood rush from wounds caused by my own hands 5 years since I’ve known deprivation perfecting the balancing act 15 years at war with my body transfixed by each tiny molecule 10 years of compiled anxious moments 5 years to unlearn all the rules I made with my starving brain designed to take me away from reality Five ten fifteen time tends to erase pathways drawn in our minds Be patient now for there are no straight lines but you’ll make it out of the maze alive
 you will make it out you will make it out if it takes five years… it could take ten… You will make it out
14.
Side x Side 03:46
Your favorite band is playing a big reunion show and I would love to take you but you would never go You’ve been on my mind again I’ve been feeling low and I would love to tell you but you will never know and it’s hard the way they raised us they never loved themselves and it’s hard to bare the weight without getting overwhelmed I know we get down we lose our minds it’s no one’s fault it happens all the time so what we get down we just have to fight we just need to talk for once just try I know we get down I know what it’s like we lived through it all side by side When we were young we made a promise take care of me, and I’ll take care of you be careful don't upset the balance And act as though I have nothing to lose I know we get down we lose our minds it’s no one’s fault it happens all the time so what we get down we just have to fight we just need to talk for once just try I know we get down I know what it’s like we lived through it all side by side Side by side Side by side Side by side Side by side you and I know what it’s like you and I know what it’s like.

about

The music business lives under a dictatorship of the brand-new. The most recent. The shiniest and the loudest. And so we all keep running until exhaustion, pursuing novelty in a never-ending race to nowhere.
But here at Son Canciones we’ve decided it’s time to stop. To look back, and wait for the gems that have been left behind in this crazy race to nowhere to catch up with us. Some were left behind because of bad luck. Others because they simply didn’t make enough noise.
“Whisper & Shimmer” is a series of re-releases of albums that were somehow left behind, but that are too powerful to disappear. We’ll give them a second life. We’ll blow off the dust, and try to get the world to see how bright these gems really are.

credits

released May 22, 2020

"The Creature That I Call Myself" was originally released in 2014.

Recorded and mixed by Aaron Comeau at The Trailer in Toronto
Produced by Aaron Comeau, Julie Arsenault and Evan J. Cartwright
Mastered by Reuben Ghose at Mojito Mastering
Photo by Tisha Myles
Written by Julie Arsenault

Julie Arsenault - vocals, nylon string guitar
Aaron Comeau - electric guitar, bass, keys, percussion, etc., etc.
Evan J. Cartwright - drums, vocals (7)
Callan Furlong - nylon string guitar (6)
heart palpitations a.k.a floor tom (5)

Bonus tracks 11, 12, 13 & 14 were recorded in 2018 at The Trailer in Toronto.
Engineered and mixed by Aaron Comeau
Mastered by Reuben Ghose

Julie Arsenault - vocals and rhythm guitar
Evan Cartwright - drums
Aaron Comeau - additional guitar (12,13)
Sam Gleason - lead guitar
Graeme Moffatt - cool bass


For more songs & stories, visit www.soncanciones.com

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Son Canciones Barcelona, Spain

Quiet songs for restless souls since 2013.

Son Canciones is an independent record label based in Barcelona.

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